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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27292984">The Wild Naked Pervert Incident of 1180 Harvest Fest</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/slotumn/pseuds/slotumn'>slotumn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comedy, F/M, Female My Unit | Byleth, Gen, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Humor, Male My Unit | Byleth, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Sitcom, Slapstick, Video Game Mechanics, but not as twins, how does the title and the summary connect?, you will see</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:14:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,749</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27292984</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/slotumn/pseuds/slotumn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Byleth needs an outfit for the Harvest Festival party. One that fits Seteth's dress code guidelines.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>My Unit | Byleth/Seteth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Fodlan Frights Halloween Exchange 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Wild Naked Pervert Incident of 1180 Harvest Fest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For @MsWisterian on Twitter. I hope you like this interpretation of one of your prompts.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hm..."</p><p>Byleth was in a predicament.</p><p>
  <em>Legs must be covered, torso must be covered up to the collarbones, shoulder must be covered. Any participants who do not adhere to the dress code will be turned away. Thank you for your cooperation.</em><br/>
<em>-Seteth</em>
</p><p>Said predicament being, she had no clothes that fit Seteth's dress code for the Harvest Festival party, which she really wanted to attend— partially because of her students, partially because of Seteth himself, and partially because of the food. </p><p>Okay, it was mostly because of the food. </p><p>Point was, between the ten identical copies of her usual outfit, the dancer outfit she was somehow convinced into purchasing from Anna, the loungewear, and that Sothis cosplay Rhea handed to her for some reason, there wasn't a single one that fit the modesty requirements.</p><p>(Technically there was the maid outfit, but she was also banned from wearing it after That Incident.)</p><p>Most of the tailors in town were busy around this time of the year, and she would have to pay premium to get an outfit finished in time for the party...but she wouldn't have enough money left to do that, after buying new weapons and exam seals for her students in the upcoming assignments. </p><p>So if that option was out, where could she quickly and cheaply get some appropriate clothes?</p><p>Squeezing her eyes shut, Byleth thought harder than she had in a good while. (Which wasn't all that difficult, because outside of battle and teaching, Byleth generally chose to forego the pesky process of "thinking," but that was besides the point.)</p><p>"...!"</p><p>Then, her eyes snapped open, a flash of inspiration striking her like a critical hit.</p><p>Somewhere in the distance, Seteth's head ached for no particular reason.</p>
<hr/><hr/><p>The Holy Tomb laid under the grounds of Garreg Mach, filled with treasures and guarded with utmost care. </p><p>Byleth was not sure how how he got there, or how long he had been there, observing, waiting for— something. </p><p>"..."</p><p>Occasionally, a woman with an uncanny resemblance to himself appeared there, seemingly out of nowhere, ran around picking up some items off the ground, and wordlessly stared at him for a while before disappearing. She didn't seem like the one for conversation, which was fine by him— he was fairly sure he couldn't speak, even if he tried. </p><p>Today, however. </p><p>"..."</p><p>The woman simply stood in front of him, staring. </p><p>"..."</p><p>And staring. </p><p>"..."</p><p>And staring. </p><p>"..."</p><p>It was, frankly, starting to creep him out.</p><p><em>Do you need something?</em> he thought, tilting his head and raising an eyebrow to convey his message through body language. </p><p>Suddenly, his female counterpart took out a large bone-sword out of nowhere and pointed it at him, eery gaze not faltering for even a second.</p><p>"Strip. Now."</p><p>"?!?!?!"</p><p>Few seconds later, Byleth found himself covering his bare crotch with his hands as the woman ran off with all of his clothes.</p><p>Including underwear.</p><p><em>What the hell do you need the jockstrap for?!?!</em> he wanted to yell, but unfortunately, no sound came out of his open, silently screaming mouth.</p>
<hr/><hr/><p>"Hilda, see me after class."</p><p>Hilda pouted, already knowing this was going to result in Professor silently gazing at her with that "I won't say it out loud but you really need to put in more effort into things" look for a few seconds before having a "brief discussion" about her upcoming exam, which she really hoped Professor wasn't expecting her to pass the first time. </p><p>But it was going to be even more of a bother if she didn't listen— Professor was very good at hunting down people— so best to get it out of the way sooner than later, right, Hilda thought, sauntering into the office.</p><p>"I'm heeere, Professor~"</p><p>Professor nodded as usual. "Take a seat."</p><p>Hilda sat, internally preparing herself for The Gaze. Professor cleared her throat, reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, and then—</p><p>"If you help me with this, I'll let you sit out on training for next week."</p><p>"...What?"</p><p>Professor nodded. "As you know, the Harvest Festival party is this week. And Seteth—"</p><p>Hilda clapped her hands together, eyes sparkling. </p><p>"Ooh, Professor, are you finally going to make a move on him? I knew you two had something going on! Don't worry, we'll get you a costume that's so stunning and sexy that he won't be able to tear his eyes away—"</p><p>"—is going to kick out anyone who doesn't adhere to the dress code."</p><p>Hilda blinked. </p><p>"There's a dress code?"</p><p>"You didn't read the announcements?"</p><p>"Nope."</p><p>"I figured," said Professor, then pulled out an entire outfit ensemble on a coathanger, from underneath her overcoat (which shouldn't have been physically possible, but after several months of seeing her pull out an entire cellar's worth of lost items from there to give back to people, everyone learned to not question it). "Anyway, if you help get this fitted to my size, I'll let you skip training. Deal?"</p><p>Hilda looked at the outfit. It had a quite similar design motif to Professor's, albeit far less revealing and obviously too large for her frame. Nothing she couldn't fix, of course, and it did have a kind of subtle sexiness— the type that just may be up someone like Seteth's alley. </p><p><em>Ah, I see, I see,</em> Hilda thought, nodding. <em>So that's her strategy! </em></p><p>"Just leave it to me!" she said, then paused, upon taking a closer look at the items on the garments now laying across the table. "But, uh..."</p><p>"Yes?"</p><p>"...what's the jockstrap for?"</p><p>Professor dismissively waved her hand. </p><p>"Don't worry about it."</p>
<hr/><hr/><p>On the night of the Harvest Festival party, Seteth was pleasantly surprised. </p><p>All the preparations had gone smoothly— decorations set up, food on the table, and all attendees (even the Golden Deer students) entering in appropriate costumes, happily chattering amongst themselves as they waited in line to play the various games set up at the booths. </p><p>He had, upon Flayn's insistence, dressed up in matching costumes with her— as Cichol and Cethleann. A little on the nose, but...the warm atmosphere of the party made him think that perhaps, it was okay for them to take these kinds of small leeways in life. </p><p>"Hello, Seteth. Or is it Saint Cichol?"</p><p>And maybe it was just the buzz of the (slight, very slight) alcohol, but hearing Byleth call him that...</p><p>"The pumpkin pie is delicious. You should try it."</p><p>...he definitely didn't dislike it, he mused, taking the piece she held out towards him. </p><p>"Ah, thank you, Professor, or is it..." he glanced at her outfit. "...is there something you are dressed as for the night?"</p><p>"A mercenary," she replied, and he couldn't help chuckling at that response. </p><p>Byleth smiled as well, and after a small toast, they basked in the jubilant atmosphere.</p>
<hr/><p>"Emergency!!! We have an emergency!!!"</p><p>So of course, a knight came running into the hall yelling that not too long afterwards. </p><p>Seteth felt himself pulled out of the pleasant haze as the headache he felt few days earlier returned with full force. </p><p>"Give us the rundown on the situation," he said, kneading his temples. </p><p>"A strange man has emerged from the Holy Tomb—"</p><p>"The Holy Tomb? Impossible, nobody should have been able to get in there in the first place, much less get out—"</p><p>"W-we have no idea how it happened either, but it's true! And not only that, he— he's—"</p><p>Before the knight could finish that sentence, there was a great rumble outside— almost like an earthquake, getting closer and closer, and then,</p><p>"—<em>HE'S A PERVERT!!!</em>"</p><p>a naked man burst into the hall, barreling straight in their direction. </p><p>Time seemed to slow down as the stranger took a running leap into the air— and instantly, Seteth knew that he wouldn't have the time to dodge.</p><p>So right before the impact, in a feat of pure adrenaline-fueled brotherly (fatherly) protectiveness, he yelled out,</p><p>"FLAYN! COVER YOUR EYES!!!"</p><p>before going down.</p>
<hr/><hr/><p>Garreg Mach, a historical place full of strange, and occasionally spooky, legends.</p><p>
  <em>"...That guy, I think he looked kind of like Teach? I mean, it was difficult to tell, because I was far away, but that was my general impression."</em><br/>
<em>-unnamed Golden Deer House Leader</em>
</p><p>Verifying exact the origin of those legends are exceptionally difficult— impossible, even, with the different perspectives and embellishments that are mixed and added along the way. </p><p>
  <em>"What was strange was that despite all the fighting, he didn't make a single noise the whole time...almost as though he wasn't a part of this mortal worl— what?! N-no, of course that couldn't have been a ghost! Ghosts don't exist!"</em><br/>
<em>-a Golden Deer student, who is not a child</em>
</p><p>The Wild Naked Pervert Incident of 1180 Harvest Fest party is no exception, despite the amount of firsthand witnesses who were there. </p><p>
  <em>"...May his soul rest in peace."</em><br/>
<em>-a faithful Golden Deer student, upon being asked about what happened to the man afterwards</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"None of us saw where Professor took him, but I think "rest in pieces" is more likely, to be honest."</em><br/>
<em>-addendum by a frugal Golden Deer student</em>
</p><p>Who was he? Where did he come from? What was his purpose?</p><p>
  <em>"...That is...classified information."</em><br/>
<em>-a strict Church of Seiros official, upon being asked the above questions. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Maybe he was simply looking for love? Oh, don't mind me, I'm just disappointed that I didn't get to see this handsome naked stranger for myself..."</em><br/>
<em>"Manuela. Please."</em><br/>
<em>-addendums by two professors at the Officer's Academy</em>
</p><p>We do not know this answers, and we never may. </p><p>
  <em>"Don't worry about it."</em><br/>
<em>-Byleth Eisner, professor at the Officer's Academy, upon being asked about her duel with the Wild Naked Pervert</em>
</p><p>But there is one thing that's for sure. </p><p>If you ever need to attend a Harvest Festival party with a strict dress code laid out by your hot green-haired colleague,</p><p>
  <em>'Stop narrating like you aren't the one who caused this whole thing by stealing my clothes!!!'</em><br/>
<em>-thoughts of a man who was dragged back into the Holy Tomb wearing nothing but a jockstrap</em>
</p><p>don't wait until the last minute to find the appropriate clothes for it.</p><p>
  <em>'Why did you take my underwear, anyway?! What was the purpose of that if you weren't even going to wear it?!?!'</em><br/>
<em>-more thoughts of a man who really wants his clothes back</em>
</p><p>Or do, and add some fresh new drip to your closet. </p><p>
  <em>'Hey, get back here!!!!!'</em><br/>
<em>-the unheard screams of a man who happens to have the same name as the woman who stole his clothes</em>
</p><p>Either works. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Do jockstraps exist in the FE3H world? Who knows, but I think M!Byleth should wear one.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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